What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
