I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
