she was so not down for the gang bang
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
