Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
