I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
