Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
