omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
