Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
