I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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