i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
