New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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