You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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