in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ttyl tear gas
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
