Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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