Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
