I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
