What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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