the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My pussy is not your playground.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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