If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
