Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
