I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
