There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
