Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
