I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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