Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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