using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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