wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
