I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
