the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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