i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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