just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
