kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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