I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
