the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
