Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
