Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
