He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
