and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
