i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
