What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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