I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
