Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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