my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last time i carry you out of a forest
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
