I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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