erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
