Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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