U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
