If i come over, it means nothing
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
