i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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