I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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