and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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