I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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