omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
