You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
are you so shy because you have an std?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
