Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
