Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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