Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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